i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
