The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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