i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
