i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
