We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
