It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
