Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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