you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
