im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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