oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
