I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
