dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
