Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
