What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize