Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he shaved USA in his pubs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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