I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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