Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
