She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
