Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
