I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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