Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
