I hate all girls vehemently.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
