You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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