We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Are we still banned from the library?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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