Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
