He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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