I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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