sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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