She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
