glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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