Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is Oprah even human
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
