ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
