The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize