so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.