My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.