girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.