Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf