My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.