Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
