I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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