last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i've created a new STD.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
