I'll bet she douches with gravy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
