I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
