I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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