now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
