Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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