Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
