i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
