I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
