hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
