so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
