Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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