I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
