i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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