My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
