so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
