so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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