Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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