Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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