Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
