When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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