WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was CRYING into my vagina
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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