I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
