remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
