So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
