if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize