You're completely useless in the revolution.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize