maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
