Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
