my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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