That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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