She said her name was "party"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
