Screwed.edu
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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