You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will be naked everywhere
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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